Girl On The Phone

Gentle readers, this topic keeps coming up - in conversation, in e-mails, in comments on Twitter and the blog - it's all about waiting and, more importantly, etiquette.  Whether it's a job you've interviewed for or a person you've gone on a date with, there is just a certain way to do things.

I realize that I just posted about this topic, but, in the few days since that post, I can't even count the amount of conversations that have occurred around the topic.

If you say you are going to call, call.
If you ask for a phone number, call.
If you have no plans on calling, don't ask for a phone number that you're not going to use.

Perhaps this is more of a dating post than an unemployment post, but it is what it is.   The same rules apply - it's simply common courtesy.

While walking with a friend this weekend, talking about boys, the topic of the no-call arose.  More to the point, the topic of asking for the phone number you're not planning on using.  She said that, and I am paraphrasing, she would much rather a guy didn't bother to ask for the number (after a meeting, a make-out, a hook-up) if they are not planning on using it.  If they just part ways with no way of contacting you, then that's that.  There are no expectations.  But when they ask for a number, tell you they are going to call, the game changes.  It's a different world, and everything is up in the air.

I brought up an episode of Friends during this conversation - which has come up in every conversation about the no-call - "The One With The Dollhouse".  In this episode, and bear with me, Chandler goes on a date with Rachel's boss.  He finds her dull, but, at the end of the date, he says "So, I'll call you."  And, of course, he doesn't.

An excerpt:

Rachel: Come on, this isn’t funny. She thinks it’s my fault that you haven’t called her. You have to call her!
Chandler: Look, you can’t call somebody after this long just to say, ‘In case you didn’t notice, I don’t like you!’
Rachel: Well then you’re going to have to take her out again.
Chandler: Nooo!! She’s really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Rachel: I don’t care! I don’t care! You are going to have to take her out again and end it, and end it in way that she knows it’s actually ended. And, I don’t care how hard it is for you, do not tell her that you will call her again!

I'm not saying that people are sitting and waiting for the phone to ring.  And I'm definitely not saying that every person who gives out their number and doesn't get a phone call is freaking out that their phone is not ringing.  But it's just impolite.

As for your MatchGirl, in keeping with her New Year's resolution of no expectations, she's given out her number to those who've not called and, while, it'd be lovely to hear from them... It's too much energy to be upset that they've not phoned.

To relate this to the job hunt, hiring managers, please, if you have someone in for an interview, if you have someone in for a series of interviews, at least have the courtesy to phone (or, hell, e-mail) them and let them know that you've gone in a different direction.  It's not that hard.  It's simply common courtesy.